Acoustic Solution
Audience Advice (from those who know)
When requesting a song from the band, just say "play my song", or "it goes something like this" then hum a few bars! We musicians have a chip implanted in our heads with an unlimited database with the favourite tunes of every patron who ever walked into a bar and all songs ever recorded, so feel free to be vague, we love the challenge.
If we tell you that we do not remember exactly what tune you want, we're only kidding. Bands know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum harder if need be - it helps jog the memory.
Better still, grab the mic while the singer is in the middle of the song and yell your request into it. This will ensure that everyone in the venue knows that your are a musical guru and are making sure they have the best entertainment experience possible.
If a band tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they either forgot that they know the tune or they are just putting you on. Try singing a few words for the band. Any words. If one member halfway knows part of a chorus, the rest of the band will instantly learn the entire song by osmosis. Knowing this, if the band still claims not to know your song, it helps to just keep requesting the same song every-time there is a break.
It also helps to scream your request from across the room several times per set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU GUYS SUCK!"
Exaggerated hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger. Put-downs are the best way to jog a band's memory. This instantly promotes you to the status of "Personal Friend Of The Band."
Entertainers are notorious fakers & jokesters and never really prepare for their shows. They simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what they will do once they arrive. An entertainer's job is so easy, even a monkey could do it, so don't let them off the hook easily. Your request is all that matters.
If a metal band had played at the club a few weeks ago, the next band that follows will automatically know every metal tune the previous band ever played, even if the current band as a blues, country or ABBA tribute band. It's the law!!!
Feel free to yell AC/DC or KISS!! To a band that plays strictly originals or jazz for example. Conversely, jazz lovers may yell for Golden Wedding to any band with a saxophone player, even though it wasn't played on a saxophone.
IMPORTANT
When an entertainer leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head in both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their head securely so they cannot pull away. This will be taken as an invitation to a friendly game of tug of war between their head and your hands. Don't give up! Hang on until the singer or instrumentalist submits.
Feel free to grab, or thumb through, the song folder on the stand at the front of the stage while the band is playing. By now, the musicians know all the words and music off by heart, so really have no need of the song sheets. They have just put the folder there for you to have a look through and select the next song for them! They may look annoyed, but ignore that, it's just for effect.
Though difficult to get them to play, it's not impossible, so keep trying. They're especially vulnerable in the break between songs.
TALKING WITH THE BAND
The best time to discuss anything with the band in any meaningful way is in the middle of a song when all the members are singing at the same time (such as a multi harmony part). Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny voice from the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us.
Musicians are expert lip readers too. If a musician doesn't reply to your question or comment during a tune, it's because they didn't get a good look at your mouth in order to read your lips. Simply continue to scream your request and be sure to over emphasise the words with your lips. This helps immensely. Don't be fooled.
Singers have the innate ability to answer any questions and sing at the same time. If the singer doesn't answer your questions immediately, regardless of how stupid the question may seem, it's because they are purposely ignoring you. If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this.
HELPING THE BAND
If you inform the band that you are a singer, the band will appreciate your help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain standing on stage. Just pretend you're in a karaoke bar. Simply feel free to walk up on stage and join in. By the way, the drunker you are, the better you sound and the louder you should sing. If by chance you fall off the stage, be sure to crawl back up and attempt to sing harmony. Keep in mind that nothing assists the band more than outrageous dancing, third and fourth part harmonies, or a tambourine played out of time.
Try a cowbell, they love the challenge. The band always needs the help and will take this as a compliment.
VERY IMPORTANT
Remember to allow enough time to make it from the stage to the bathroom in case of an emergency. On stage accidents are bad form. The band will carry on.
BONUS TIP
As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break and then get on stage and start playing their instruments.
They love this.
Even if you are ejected from the venue, you can rest assured in the fact that you have successfully completed your audition. The band will call you immediately the following day to offer you a position.
JOKE
"A guy calls the musicians' guild to get a quote on a 6 piece band for a wedding. The rep says "Off the top of my head, about $2000". He says "WHAT?? FOR MUSIC?!!". "The rep responds, " I'll tell you what. Call the plumbers' union & ask for six plumbers to work from 6 to midnight on a Saturday night. Whatever they charge you, we'll work for half."" (From Absolute Underground TV)
